sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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