i will never coherently bang her
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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