I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize