her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
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Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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