i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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