Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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