Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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