And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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