i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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