...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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