Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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