i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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