well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize