something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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