You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize