So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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