so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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