census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there's paper in my vomit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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