You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
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