who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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