I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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