Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize