Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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