1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize