'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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