He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize