am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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