How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize