i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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