I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize