Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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