We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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