I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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