So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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