she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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