Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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