Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize