pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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