I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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