Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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