I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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