found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize