I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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