my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize