I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You've changed since you got that strap on
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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