well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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