I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize