Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize