it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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