so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize